We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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