the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
