Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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