I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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