He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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