last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
No I am not eating basil off your cock
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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