I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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