she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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