Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
