Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize
