He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
