We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
