Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize