Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I need water and some morals
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
