In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
