you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
