THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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