Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
