at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
