Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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