Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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