Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
