she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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