Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
