if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I party with great urgency now.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
