after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
