Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
