I hope mine doesn't look like that
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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