Your face is a jimmy john
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
