I just gift wrapped bread.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
