I could have mohawked her pubes.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
