she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
