Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
