Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
