i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
