i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
