one two three fourrrrnication!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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