Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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