I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
