im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
