i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
