i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
