They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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