the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
