wrigley field is MILF paradise
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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