It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
