When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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