This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
