her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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