Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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