I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
