Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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