I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
