Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
