Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
