He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
