I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
