kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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