I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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