and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
People in love make me want to vomit
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize