I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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