i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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