weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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