You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize