I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
