Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
