I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize