the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
