You're my little dorito
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
