I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So much Jack, so little girl.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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