Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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