He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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