end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
