That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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