U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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