oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
how drunk are you?
Several
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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