HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
