Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
