Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
