I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
