i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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