I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
