Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
