Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize