i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
