i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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