Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize