im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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