I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
