When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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