She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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