I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
